Dealing With Break-Ups |

  

Things I’ve learned from women whove dumped me, have actually helped me save my current relationship. Why? Well, basically all partnerships are the same in that if you do not have certain components they will fail. It doesn’t matter how good looking or how wealthy you are. Your relationship will fall apart.

If I hadn’t been educated by my previous girlfriends I wouldn’t have learned some valuable lessons. For example, I wouldn’t know that I should always tell the truth even when it makes you a little uncomfortable. You see if you are always honest, then she will trust you. Trust is a huge part of a successful partnership.

I wouldn’t know that I have to talk about how I feel. OK, I am not a saint. I cannot be like most women in that I still don’t feel comfortable chatting for hours on end about my feelings. But I know that I have to explain how I am feeling and not just expect her to guess. I also need to ask her how she feels about certain things and listen to her response. My job is not to fix her life and it will wind her up if I try. My job is to be there to listen and act as a sounding board and only offer a solution if I have been asked.

Other things I’ve learned from the women who’ve dumped me is that if I tidy up around the house, I win brownie points which can be exchanged for sexual favors later. I have also realized that sending one flower a day for seven days is more romantic than a bunch of red roses. Making her breakfast in bed or having dinner on the table when she gets home from work tells her I love her louder than me just saying it.

I have also learned that just because she cuddles up to me when we are in bed doesn’t mean that she wants to make love. Sometimes she just wants a cuddle and I need to respect that and not take offense. I have also realized that I can’t just think she is the sexier than Beyonce. I need to tell her and not just when I want more than a cuddle!

It is funny how often previous relationships I was in broke up for similar reasons. I thought I was doing everything right but I invariably got dumped for ignoring my girlfriends or not trying to understand them. I would have continued being a failure at relationships if I hadn’t invested in a couple of books and courses designed to help me understand what makes a great partnership.

Now I couldn’t be happier and so too is my wife. Things I’ve learned from women who’ve dumped me helped me - how can they help you?

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Many relationships run into problem areas. At some point, your relationship, no matter how good, will have issues. These issues can be easy to work on. Some relationships can have bigger issues, however. These issues are much more difficult too work around. If you are working on fixing a broken relationship, you need to be sure to be cautious. You want to make sure that you take all of the necessary steps to fix what has been broken.

Identify the Problem

The first tip that will help you to fix your broken relationship is to fully identify the problem. Both of the people in the relationship need to have a complete understanding of the state of the relationship. If there was a specific event that caused the issue, you both should understand how that happened. If it was a series of events, you need to clearly define the issues and what caused them.

Let Them Know How You Feel

The second tip to fix your broken relationship is to be honest and open about how you feel. A relationship can only work if there is strong communication. You need to be open about how you feel. Be careful with your woods, but do not sugar coat your feelings.

Do not hide any of your feelings. You need to let the other person, in the relationship, know your emotions. Be descriptive. Are you angry? Upset? Sad? Mad? Disappointed? The more descriptive you can be, the more your partner will understand you.

Pay Attention

You need to be sure to pay attention to how they feel as well. Communication goes both ways. Listen to how descriptive they are about their feelings. Ask penetrating and specific questions to better understand how they feel. By doing so you will grasp the root of the primary problem.

Small Gifts

Small gifts can be a perfect way to start to mend a broken relationship. While it will not fix everything, it will show that you care, and that you are thinking of them.

Small Dates

Going on small, inexpensive but fun dates can also be beneficial. Having fun together is the perfect way to start to mend broken hearts and a broken relationship.

You need to make sure that you both fully understand the issue at hand. IF you are working on fixing a broken relationship, you need to be on the same page. From this point, you need to let them know how you feel. Be open about how you feel about the situation, and what you think can help it. Be sure to pay attention to what they have to say as well.

When you are sure that you are both on the same wavelength, you need to pay attention to the small things. Small gifts and small dates, especially gifts and dates with more meaning, are a good way to start to mend the relationship. You need to remind yourselves why you are in the relationship. This will help you to fix your broken relationship.

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Falling out of love can happen to all couples regardless of how strong their relationship was. In order to recover the magic, you need to learn how to be affectionate with your girlfriend. There are different ways of learning. You can ask an older man in a successful relationship for some advice. You could talk to your friends but do yourself a favor and only listen to the ones that are happily involved. The others are single for a reason. Or you could buy a great book, read it and put the theory into practice.

Women are often complex creatures but the majority just love it when you show affection. Now I mean real affection and not just a pre sex hug. Sex is a different animal to men and women. In a committed relationship, women often use sex to show affection and appreciation whereas men are less likely to think that deeply about it. They may just care whether it is any good or not or if it is even available. If a woman is hurt or upset you can usually gauge it from the warmth of the response she shows to your advances. If she usually initiates making love but hasn’t, you can bet a dollar there is something wrong. It may not be your fault but she may be holding you responsible anyway.

If you read any decent book giving advice on relationships, you will know that one way to get more sex is to do more around the house and not leave everything to your other half. Another way is to show her affection when she least expects it. Hold her hand while on a walk, carry her shopping, collect her from work if it is raining or buy her flowers even though it isn’t her birthday or your anniversary. Arrange to spend time together doing something that the two of you love.

Most romantic partnerships don’t break down because of affairs or other huge events but because the little things are missing. If you feel that you are drifting apart, get some help and advice on how to put everything back on course. Don’t ignore the signs of unhappiness hoping they will go away. Women can easily feel ignored and taken for granted and you may only be distracted by your job or financial situation. She may feel that you must have another woman in your life as you aren’t interested in her any more. Or perhaps she is feeling used. Be honest, is the only time you show her affection those nights when you are hoping sex is on the menu?

So how do you get the love back into your relationship? There are many ways but perhaps one you could try is to pretend you are dating again. How did you treat your partner when you just met? She is still with you, for now anyway, so you must have done something right.

You need to find out now how to be affectionate with your girlfriend or you just might find someone else has been!

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Why are you wondering how to be a challenge to your girlfriend? Is it because you are afraid you are about to be dumped? Women often like their men to be a tough nut to crack. They seem to respect those men who are not afraid to live their life their way more than the man who agrees with everything they say. Sure they may complain their boyfriends are awkward but underneath they like it.

So how do you become a challenge? You can’t take this too far or you will end up being dumped very quickly which I am guessing is not the result you are looking for. If you think your partner is taking you for granted, become a little less available. The next time she rings or texts to arrange last minute plans be unavailable. Have alternative arrangements in place even if it means you are washing your hair. She will slowly get the message that you have a life and while she is important to you, she may not be the axis your world turns on.

If you are always the one to initiate nights out, try taking a back seat and see what happens. Will she organize things instead or give you an ear bashing. If you send her flowers every week, skip one and see what her reaction is. I am not suggesting you start ignoring the woman in your life but if you have been acting like a doormat it is time to change. It is nice for a man to pay for dinner on the first date but you shouldn’t always have to pay particularly if you have similar incomes. If you earn less than her, she should definitely be paying her way some of the time.

Arrange nights out with your own friends and go alone. Even people involved in a couple deserve a night out alone every so often. Your girlfriend may not like it but so long as you behave yourself why shouldn’t you go without her.

You do not need to radically change your personality and become someone you are not. That will only make you uncomfortable. In answering how to be a challenge to your girlfriend, you are looking to make small changes to put the spice back into the relationship. If you always concentrate on her pleasure in the bedroom, start becoming a little more demanding. If you always initiate sex, take a back seat for a little while and let her worry about why you are not as eager as you once were.

Women do not like men behaving like puppies i.e. all eager to please and bouncing around the place. It may be fun for a little while but most girls will eventually get bored with your behavior as it is too predictable. A new man will come along who offers them a challenge and they will dump you. If you love this woman, you need to learn the secrets of a successful relationship and soon as otherwise you will be single again.

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How To Be A Confident Girlfriend Without Being Over Confident

How to be a confident girlfriend is something every woman needs to learn to be. There are very few men out there who like a woman who is lacking in self confidence. They tend to be needy and always need reassuring. This can be quite a turn off when it goes on for any length of time.

Sure we all have days when we feel awful. I am positive that even Carmen Electra wakes up some mornings feeling less than gorgeous but you do not need to tell the world about it. Men love confident women as they know that when they get them into bed, they won’t be afraid to ask for what they want. Also confidence is power and some men love powerful women. But don’t go overboard as confidence does not mean that you have to be arrogant. Yes there is a fine line but it is one that doesn’t need to be crossed.

So how do you build your self esteem? You can do this in a number of ways but the most effective is to practice positive thinking. It is hard to feel low and ugly when you are walking around with a big smile on your face. Make a list of your good points and see how many things you have to feel grateful for. Be genuinely thankful for what you do have as then you may see even more of the positives that are already part of your life.

If you experienced something in your life that has affected your confidence then get some help. Counseling is a wonderful way of working through past demons and learning how to leave the past where it belongs i.e. behind you. You can’t change what happened but you can change your reaction to these events and how it affects your future.

Fake it for a while. Pretend you are the most confident woman in the world. Your subconscious can’t tell the difference between a lie and the truth so if you fake it for long enough, you will start believing and your self esteem levels will improve.

Ask your man why he is with you but not in a whiny type of way. You can ask him to tell you what he most loves about you? What he thinks your best assets are? Also choose your moment with care, this is not a post sex question.

Ask your friends to write down a list of your nicest characteristics. I am sure you will be pleasantly surprised at how people value you and what qualities they think you have. Practice being assertive and reward yourself for the successes you have achieved in life. If there is something you are really afraid of, why not try it today?

Perhaps you are afraid of heights, so try booking a hang gliding course. Ask your boyfriend to come with you. Maybe do it as a charity fundraiser. Once you face your fears and conquer them, you will no longer have to ask how to be a confident girlfriend. Your inner self confidence will shine like a beacon.

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How To Be An Amazing Girlfriend Without Being Wonder Woman

The good news is that it is fairly simple to answer how to be an amazing girlfriend. You just need to know certain tricks and soon he will worship the ground you walk on.

Often when we get involved with a man, we start to become comfortable. We stop dressing as well as we once did and leave waxing and other grooming a little bit longer than we should. This is the first step to being amazing. You never want him to see you looking anything other than your best. Yes ladies this means that the fluffy nightwear stays firmly in the closest and the sexy black negligee is neatly folded under the pillow.

This brings us to the next step. You have to have a very active and interesting sex life in order to gain the amazing girlfriend award. Seriously now is the time to be reading Karma Sutra cover to cover and putting some of the easier moves into practice. Men love a great time in bed but they like it even better when they turn their partner on so if he does make it obvious. Yes think the dinner scene from when Harry met Sally! Initiate sex and be open to trying different techniques and positions. Obviously you shouldn’t do anything you are uncomfortable with but forget the missionary position every night. That’s predictable and boring and doesn’t merit the description of amazing.

Let you man out with his friends and don’t call or text to find out where he is or who he is with. Men hate clingy insecure women. They don’t mind you being a little jealous if some glamour puss flirts with him but they expect you to trust them when they are on a night out.

If you want to be a permanent fixture in your man’s life, you need to treat his family and friends with respect. Sure they may not be the people you would chose to socialize with. I am guessing if you were honest, some of your own family wouldn’t meet this criteria either. Your man’s family will be important to him. In fact you should have already checked how he treats his mum as that is a good indication of how he will treat you in years to come.

It may be easy to answer the question how to be an amazing girlfriend but I am not saying that it will always be easy to put it into practice. But if you master at least some of these techniques you have more chance of moving onto the next step in your relationship. If you think that this is all too much effort, you may just find that your man has plenty of other female friends just waiting for the chance to prove they have what it takes to be an amazing girlfriend.

If you love this man and want to be walking down the street holding hands when you are in your twilight years, you need to take action now. Go on - what have you got to lose?

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If you are asking how to be sweet to your girlfriend, it is a good sign that you want to keep her happy. Keeping a woman happy is not always easy but with a little work and effort, you will be fine.

So what can you do? Telling her you love her is one step but avoid over saying it as the words become meaningless. Try telling her in other ways such as leaving a note under her pillow or sending her a message when she is not expecting it. You could send her a card despite the fact it is not her birthday, your anniversary or any other special occasion. Make a list of all the reasons why you love her and stick it somewhere like inside her fridge or just inside the washing machine. She may not notice it for a few days but when she does she will light up like a candle.

Find a book of poetry and write her out a love poem. She will love it. When you are out and about, put your arm around her waist as it shows that you are proud to be seen with her. If she is upset, listen to her and try to reassure her without giving her the impression that you don’t think she will be able to sort out the problem on her own.

Complement her not just when she has dressed up for a special occasion but when she is just lounging around relaxing. Find things that you love about her, her tousled hair, her long legs, the back of her neck etc and tell her how lovely she is. Girls love complements especially when they are not expected. If she is trying to lose pounds, tell her she looks really slim today.

Never put your girl down or make unkind remarks about her even in the middle of an argument. Sure, sometimes is it hard not to get personal but try your best. Apologize if you do say something hurtful and don’t do it again.

Don’t forget to tell her how happy she makes you and how much your life has improved with her in it. Arrange surprises for her. Take her to a chick flick or a musical or the theater even if you would prefer to have your eyeballs stapled. Doing things for the lady in your life will end up making you both happier. Shared memories make relationships stronger and help you both get through the bad days.

In case you run out of ideas on how to be sweet to your girlfriend, find a great book on relationships and read it. If you really love this woman you don’t want to lose her over something silly. Women leave men for all sorts of reasons and cheating is only one of them. They leave if they feel unappreciated or taken for granted. Don’t let this happen to you as great partners don’t come around every day.

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All couples experience rough patches from time to time; which could lead to a breakup. Frankly, if you don’t, you may find out your missing out on a really meaningful part of your relationship. It’s not a question if you are, but when you are going to hit that rough patch in your relationship. The question you need to be asking yourself right now is “Before this happens, I need to know ‘how to prevent a long term relationship breakup’ from happening to us.” The following tips may well help you avoid that heartwrenching breakup.

We can all take our partners for granted sometimes. Life often gets in the way of your relationship and we are inclined to think our spouse will understand. But that is not always the case. Your significant other may wonder where he/she comes on your list of priorities. He or she may feel neglected and if someone else comes along that pays them some attention and makes them feel desired, who is to say that they won’t be tempted.

Why not surprise your partner and arrange a date night. If you have children, arrange a babysitter. If money is a little tight, then put the kids to bed early and cook your partner a nice dinner. Add some candles and flowers and switch off the TV. Ban all talk about the kids, job, your money issues and of course talking about family members (or suffer the consequences).

The only conversation allowed is the type you would normally have on a date night. Imagine you don’t know each other. Ask your other half to tell you something about themselves, after which you will divulge a secret about yourself. Talk to your partner about their interest, passion and most of all listen to what they say.

When you have been together for a long time, it can get a little dull in the bedroom department. Being intimate is the glue that holds couples together. It isn’t all together about having sex (a man would ask “It isn’t?”), but holding hands, listening, talking, cuddling, affectionate, being there when needed and perhaps most all trusting one another.

If you have fallen into a rut where the only intimate occasions you see are those on a TV set, you need to sort this out.  Don’t ignore it as it can lead to feelings of anxiety, depression and desperation on both sides. But you can’t pressure the other person either. So why not make it a game.

Both of you have to make a list of all the nice things you would like to do/have done to each other; you should forget revenge and mayhem (really bad for saving a relationship). Each person gets a turn having one item on their list. She may want you to run her a nice, hot bath and allow her to soak for an hour; with only the candles for company. And guess what that can lead to for the man.

Rediscover the passion that brought you together in the first place. Let’s face it most couples do not get involved due to the fantastic conversation.  There has to be the “X” factor as well. But when you have shared what seems to be a lifetime, the roaring flames of desire may now resemble a smouldering ember. However, the good news is, with work by you both, you can fan those “smoldering ember’s into an all consuming fire of passion.

Couples that laugh together, share their inner most thoughts and feelings, make time for one another are the most likely to be walking hand in hand; sharing their twilight years. Life isn’t a bed of roses, but it’s a lot more fun when you share it with someone you love.

These are just a few of the things involved in “how to prevent a long term relationship breakup”. Be sure you take the time to implement these things now and stop any further damage to your relationship.

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If you know the warning signs of a break up you will be better able to avoid splitting from your lover. All relationships are different but there are usually similar symptoms of trouble to look out for:

1) Your partner is ignoring you.

Now I don’t mean that they are not talking to you. Ignoring someone, is where you lose interest in that person and never ask them how they are, what they are feeling or even where they were? If you are like two ships that pass in the night, your love life may need a little work.

Stop to think why they could be ignoring you? Have you forgotten their birthday or some other special event? Have you been less than loving lately? Are they feeling neglected? People usually react over something they feel has happened. This could just be their perception but as they are your lover and you should be trying to keep them happy, you need to understand their point of view.

So why not surprise them with a nice meal and sit them down and ask them what is going on? Why are they grumpy, although I would probably phrase that question a little better! It could be that they are preoccupied with a problem totally outside your relationship. Communication between couples is not always what it should be; so try talking. Who knows where it may lead?

2) Your partner doesn’t want to see you or go out with you.

If your lover suddenly becomes unavailable and too busy to see you, the red warning light should go on. There is a reason why they are avoiding you and you need to find out what that is. Don’t be a doormat or perhaps I should say bedmat. There is no excuse, for not facing your boyfriend or girlfriend, to find out why they think it is acceptable to behave like this.  Whatever you do, do not ignore these signals or you could find yourself in receipt of a break up letter.

3) Your partner is distant in the bedroom

While sex is only a three letter word, it can cause huge problems. Just ask any couple who has been together a long time.   Sometimes your family or life’s issues can get in the way of your lovemaking. It is also a well known fact, that the initial burst of animal attraction usually doesn’t last, so not making love every night is quite normal. What is not normal is not being intimate for months on end. Couples are held together by shared emotions and feelings.  So don’t underestimate the power of a cuddle.

You should know when your partner is happy and when he or she isn’t. Sometimes their mood will have nothing to do with your actions; but often it is an indication of trouble brewing. Pay attention and look out for the above warnings signs of a break up. Otherwise you could find yourself newly single and wondering what happened!

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As we know very few people suddenly break up. There is usually a series of stages of breaking up that all couples go through. If it comes as a shock, you probably have the reason why you were dumped. You weren’t paying attention to what was happening between you and your partner. Otherwise you would have spotted he/she wasn’t happy, was ignoring you and doing their best not to spend time with you.

We all get caught up in our own thing from time to time and this isn’t usually a problem. But when your partner sees less of you than your friends and other family,it can highlight an issue in your relationship. If you do spend time together but are always fighting, you need to stop and break that cycle. Constant arguing achieves nothing and although initially it is fun making up, it can come to a point where you don’t bother trying.

Does your partner trust you? Do you trust them? Lack of trust is also a symptom of a partnership in trouble. If you always second guess your lover or expect to know where they are all the time, they will soon see that this isn’t love and may move on. If you are behaving like this, you need to stop right now. Unless your spouse has given you reason not to trust them, you should believe in them and have faith that they will do the right thing.

Are you on the same wavelength as your other half? Do they share your happy feelings and commiserate when you are down or feeling low? Couples who instinctively, know how the other is feeling, will overcome most of the hurdles that life can throw at us.

Does your lover share your interests and hobbies? If she has made an effort to get involved, this is a sign that she really cares about you. No-one expects her to join you for your 5am fishing trips but if she seems interested in listening to your stories about what you caught, what size it was, that is a good sign.

Your partner may have asked for a trial separation. Ok, so sometimes this is just an easy way of saying “you are dumped but I can’t say that!” But it doesn’t always have to mean this. Things can go wrong between two people and only time apart will help them to resolve the issues.

So if your lover does suggest this, agree but ask that they come to counselling with you. Show them that you do not want the relationship to end as they mean too much to you. Try not to put pressure on them and do not resort to emotional blackmail.  You cannot force someone to love you but you can turn a bad situation into something a lot worse by appearing desperate or manipulative.

True love is based on understanding and respect. Showing your partner that you know this is a great way to avoid the final stages of breaking up.

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